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Every February, humanity asks itself the same question: how much longer is winter going to last? And every year, this question is answered by an unlikely hero, a groundhog who goes by the name of Punxsutawney Phil. This sacred oracle is consulted only on February 2nd, in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Each year, a throng of tens of thousands of worshippers gathers around a small hill called Gobbler’s Knob, in which the almighty groundhog resides. Legend has it that if Philip emerges from his subterranean dwelling and sees his shadow, winter will continue for another six weeks. However, if he does not see his shadow, we will be blessed with an early spring.
As January comes to an end, many look to Valentine’s Day as a beacon of light in the bleakness of February. They worry themselves with thoughts of love. But I, a true intellectual, sit on the edge of my seat, waiting for the verdict of The Hog, for only he has the power to give or take the sunshine of spring. Despite its large following in Punxsutawney, PA, Groundhog Day is far less anticipated than Valentine’s Day across the nation and the world. This makes no sense at all. Surely the seasons themselves are more important than the frivolous pursuit of a crush. I mean, we’re talking about a groundhog with godlike powers here. He even wears a little tophat! As a society, we really need to get our priorities in check.
Although we can’t all make it to Pennsylvania to witness this spectacle in person, anyone can see it broadcast live on TV. Much like similarly important and prestigious television events, such as The Superbowl, we can enjoy this event with friends and family, eating snacks and rooting for our preferred outcome. Groundhog Day should bring us together, whether spring enjoyers or winter fans. Either way, this holiday is a symbol of hope and an important reminder that we cannot control every aspect of our lives. We’re all in this together, at the whims of the woodchuck. The divine power to predict the seasons was placed not in the hands of humankind, but in the humble paws of the groundhog. Punxsutawney Phil has lived for hundreds of years, experienced both the wonders and the horrors of humanity, and remained faithful in his annual duty. He is one of the last sources of real truth in this world, and yet you can’t take a day out of your year to celebrate him? For shame.
Groundhog Day is by far the most underrated holiday in the entire month of February if not all twelve. Alas, by the time this appeal graces the pages of the Papyrus, February 2nd will be past. Much of our community will not have even noticed, and P.P. will be in hibernation. But I implore you now to look out your window, at the snow or the blue sky, and realize that this was all foreseen weeks ago by a rodent dressed much better than you. I will not reveal which outcome I personally hope for, as the outcome is not the point of Groundhog Day. Indeed, the act of hope itself is far more meaningful. And so I rest my case. Perhaps next year, you will appreciate this day for all of its beauty and joy, and I’ll see you all at Gobbler’s Knob.