In Taft’s high-achieving school environment, success often appears to be measured by grades, awards, and college admissions. In a culture so focused on personal achievement, it is easy to wonder whether we are still valued by others or still contributing anything meaningful to the world around us. On Tuesday, April 12, our campus welcomed acclaimed author and speaker Jennifer Breheny Wallace, who delivered a thoughtful presentation on the importance of mattering.
Wallace explained that mattering lies in a person’s fundamental need to feel valued, and it is closely tied to mental health, motivation, and a sense of belonging. When people feel they matter, they are more resilient and willing to support others; when people feel invisible or only approved by achievements, they may experience anxiety or self-doubt. In a school setting, this means seemingly minor moments that allow people to feel connected within our community can make a big difference. Mattering is demonstrated through the tiniest actions of kindness: listening to a teacher, helping a friend, building a connection, or simply making someone feel seen.
For student athletes, a part of her speech was dedicated to competition. It is always so easy to think “I’m not good enough” when competing against a powerful opponent. However, Wallace asked us to put a different perspective on competition. She stated that the meaning behind competition itself was like surfing: surfers intentionally wait for larger waves to challenge themselves to grow stronger. Just the same, competition should offer an opportunity for self-improvement, because a win or a loss cannot define an athlete. Her message serves as a meaningful reminder when self-doubt strikes.
Wallace dedicated the last part of her speech to the pressure surrounding college rankings and prestige. She stressed that success in life is not the equivalent of attending a highly ranked university. She stated that ranking systems are not scientifically proven, but instead, they are organizations also trying to make a profit, so a ranking system should not prove a student’s self-worth. She encourages us to rethink our evaluation of self-worth and start defining success on our own terms.
Her ideas connect strongly to high-performing schools such as Taft, where we as students can sometimes feel that we must be exceptional to matter. In her book Never Enough, Wallace discusses the dangers of a “performance mindset.” She dedicates this book mostly to educators and parents, where she provides thoughtful advice and ideas for reflection. For instance, Wallace emphasizes that it is dangerous when achievement is praised more than growth, when family time is sacrificed for students to “get ahead,” and when students are asked “How did the test go?” before “How are you?”
Wallace’s newer book, Mattering, explores how people are constantly searching for meaning, belonging, and purpose throughout life. In this book, she describes mattering as a “meta-need” that includes connection, purpose, and being valued by others. Our sense of mattering can feel fragile during times of transition, such as starting a new school year, facing setbacks, or preparing for college. During these moments, we often question: Do I still matter? For students, knowing that this phenomenon happens is important, since we can learn how to help others or ourselves withstand difficult times. Many peers may quietly struggle with stress, comparison, or uncertainty. Wallace reminded the audience that while we cannot create someone else’s sense of mattering for them, we can stay close, listen, and remind them they are needed. Inviting someone into a group, asking for their help, or checking in after a difficult week can really make a difference.
Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s visit challenged our community to rethink how we define success and how we treat one another. Make others in our community feel like they matter, just as you want yourself to matter to others, as Wallace writes, “The challenge wasn’t to cling to what was; it was to ask, where and how can I matter next?”
Photo courtesy of Robert Falcetti
